Referring to my mother, this sit-vac ad appeared in the December issue
of The EDGE (Auckland Hospital's Emergency Department Gossip
Staff Vacancy - Emergency Physician
A hole has recently developed in the E-zone layer thought to
be due to the Jean-house effect. (Or rather, lack of.) This has resulted
in a serious vacuum which new staff have been warned could place them
into a double blind trial.
Applicants who aspire to fill this vacancy must have a minimum
of fifteen years experience in emergency doctoring and a long history
of unpaid social work experience. A particular compassion for the
underprivileged is essential, coupled with a firmness of expression
which will prevent the successful applicant from being challenged.
It is desirable, but not essential, that the applicant has a pair
of half-frame spectacles to look over.
Although a uniform is supplied, management will guarantee that
it will not fit. (Actually, if it does you don't get the job).
A thorough knowledge of every addict, drunk, neurotic, psychotic,
difficult or frustrating patient in the Auckland area is required
so that they may be instantly recognised and dealt with in a manner
that no other doctor has patience with.
An appropriate settling-in period will allow the successful applicant
to prepare for doctor's hand-over by saying "Well actually I
remember a case where..." This shall be followed by reiteration
of an experience suffiently sobering to cause a ten second silence.
Although this is the largest emergency centre in New Zealand,
and although it has excellent management, we do require a person who
has the firmness to demand decent standards of tidiness and behaviour
from other staff, especially from visiting consultants.
There is a roster of hours but the applicant is required to be
so dedicated that she [or he] will work far beyond these when necessary.
In times of departmental stress sweets must be supplied.
If you think you can fill this vacancy we do not believe there
could possibly be another Jean, so please do not bother applying.
Text by Graeme Carlaw.